High School Will Never Hurt You
by Sultan Peppershaker
Summary: Phil and Keely are now High School seniors, and what better time to explore your inner self? Pim makes a command decision after years of feuding with Candida.
1. I'll Take My Chances

**Hello, my lovelies… I've finally fought my way out of my manic-depressive mood, so sorry about all those sad stories… but… this here is hopefully going to be a multi-chappie extravaganza, so… hip hip hooray for that. Right?**

**element90- Had to respond to your review. First off, yes, TIP is the story I had problems with the ending... originally, I was thinking of writing some more after the last lyrics, but then I just decided to cut it there. You know, I just figured Josh Groban would be able to cut my story off better than I ever could. Patriotic music? How about some Green Day, then? "I pledge allegiance/ To the underworld..." Heh heh... Yeah, if Phil tried to go back... well- that's a completely different discussion... Uh... well... in TIP, the reason isn't ever entirely clear why they split up, but as I said, I did originally plan on TIP being the 2nd chapter to JWA, so... that would... yeah. Huh... well, I got up before the sun came up (5:30, just because I could)... I think I'm crazy. Yeah... I can't believe the Via actress is only thirteen! Ahh! She's younger than me... and here I am, writing these stories...**

**Yeah, so, I thank you all for the kind words and reviews!**

**Anyway… here's chappie 1. Enjoy as you see fit.

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Pim sighed, resting her head against her locker. Perhaps it was the two papers she had to write in the past two days, or maybe it was staying up all night thinking and rethinking what she was about to do, but she was struggling to keep her eyelids open.

But it was all for the best, she rationalized. It could, in fact, help her live longer.

Soon, the moment of truth arrived in the form of Candida walking down the hall, followed by her Fashion Zombies. Pim stood up straight.

"What is that horrible stench?" Candida playfully asked her Fashion Zombies, who were giggling profusely.

"You're _so_ funny... I swear, you could win a Golden Globe..."

"A Golden Globe?" Candida asked. "Please... I want an award that's actually _worth _winning." (**A/N: This statement does not reflect the author**'**s opinion, who does not consider the Golden Globe to be an award at all.**)

Pim rolled her eyes, expecting the usual. Sure enough, it came. "Oh, hello, Pim-ple… didn't see you standing there."

"Look, Candida," Pim began, "I've been thinking lately--"

"That's a first."

Pim gave a disapproving look. "I've been thinking lately, and… I've realized something. And as painful as it is for me to say this… we both have something that the other person needs. You have all these… wonderful people willing to follow your command, but… well, your plans are just terrible. I have these awesome schemes, but… no way to make them work. So… I've been thinking… it would benefit us both if we stopped trying to get each other, and teamed up to take this place over.

One of Candida's followers began to speak, but Candida cut her off. "Quiet, Fedella, but… as weird as this is to say, I think the Pim-ple might be onto something here…"

Another girl, this one named Marcella, protested. "But, Candida, she--"

"No… I think that… this might actually work."

Pim sighed. She had convinced herself that her plan would never work, but… somehow, through some divine miracle, Candida had seen the light. "So… we've agreed on this, then?" Pim asked.

"Okay, Pim…" Candida said. "Let's just see what we can do to these pathetic proletariats…"

_Alliteration_, Pim thought. _She's good… she's very good…_

"They won't even know what hit them," Pim muttered, rubbing her hands together. Candida smiled, narrowing her eyes, while her followers, Fedella, Marcella, andBenita, just shook their heads, wondering what happened to their shining leader.

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**Okay, that's it for the first chappie. Please review… reviews motivate me.**


	2. Warning

**Grazie for the reviews.**

**moofoot- Hey… Heheh… glad you agree with my analysis of the Golden Globe. ;) Yeah… I guess I'm kind of a Pheely fan… not a Pheely Phan, and definitely not a HemoPheelyac, but… I dunno. I like writing different stuff… some stuff that is more depressing than others… And, to be honest, I just made up her little Fashion Zombies' names. Fedella, meaning faithful, Marcella, meaning young warrior, and Benita, meaning good person. Heh… good person.**

**Pathos- Yeah, I don't know exactly what triggered my manic-depressive mood… too much sad music, I guess. But I'm really attached to sad songs…**

**PheelyPhan- Senior is 12, which makes Pim 10th grade… forty more till fiftieth grade, hehheh…

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**

Phil walked into the Video Productions lab to see his girlfriend of four months splicing a few clips for the next broadcast.

"Hey, Philly-Willy," she said, as he walked up beside her.

"Hey, Kookaburra," he replied, placing his hands on her shoulders. "How many times must we go over the fact that 'Philly-Willy' is off the table?"

"Until it sticks," Keely replied, smirking.

"Well that's gonna take a long time… Anyway. I was wondering if you'd maybe want to do something this weekend with me…"

Keely sighed. "Sorry, Phil…It's just that… I promised that I'd go to the mall with Via on Saturday…"

"Okay. So, you're gone all day Saturday…"

"And I have to write a report for Psychology, and I have a huge exam in American Government coming up… I really should study for that…"

"Okay," Phil said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Phil," she apologized.

"No, it's okay… I mean, you can't help that your teachers are enslaving us all… and fashion _is_ very important…"

Keely spun around in her chair and smiled. "Thanks, Phil," she said, standing up and giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"What was that for?" he asked, smiling.

"For understanding," she replied. "I mean… I wish I could go out with you… I mean I know we haven't been out in--"

"Two-and-a-half weeks," Phil said, involuntarily.

"--but… I've just had a lot to do lately."

"Don't worry about it, Keely," he reassured her, flashing a quirky smile. She smiled back, and returned to her computer. He sighed, and left her to her work.

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Phil didn't feel much like going off-campus for lunch that day, so decided to look for Owen. Eventually, he spotted him in the courtyard, talking to a couple girls, who Phil recognized from his English class. As he watched, the girls appeared to laugh at something, and walk away, shaking their heads at something.

"That's alright," Owen called out, as Phil came up to him. "You don't know what you're missing!"

"Ah… you'll get 'em someday," Phil reassured him.

"Yeah," Owen agreed. "I _have_ been working at Via pretty hard for the past few weeks, and I think I'm wearing down her reserve. I mean, how could she resist _this_?"

"It's hard," Phil said, coughing into his hand to hide his laughter.

"But enough about me for now… how's the Great Romance of the twenty-first century going?"

"Not so great… We haven't been out on a date in the past two-and-a-half weeks… and that was just going over to her house to hang out for a while…"

"Well that doesn't sound good," Owen muttered.

"It doesn't?"

"No. You're lucky you are going out with Keely. Most girls would just start cheating on you. Keely doesn't seem the type to do that… but it does seem like she might be breaking up with you…"

"What?" Phil half-shouted.

"Yeah. It happens a lot… The girl starts hanging out with you less and less, and eventually, she just stops seeing you altogether. Your time together just gets less and less, until…" Owen made a popping noise. "It's gone completely."

"What do I do?"

"I don't know… but I'd do it fast, before she gets away from you."

It had never occurred to Phil that Keely's constantly decreasing amount of time spent with him could be a warning sign that she wanted out of their relationship. He'd been so trustworthy… but now he wasn't sure how much time was left… two weeks? One? Maybe even less?

No… this wasn't good at all…

Something must be done.

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**Uh… review! I know these chappies are short, but... review!**


	3. Baby, Let's Play House

**roxy-sweetie93- Yes, I'm afraid it's true. Our belovedJuliet Holland-Rose is 13... And, er… I wasn't exactly referring to the 'laughing jackass' kookaburra (pretty sure PheelyPhan got the reference :)...)… do you have Aly & AJ's CD? Because if you do, read the thank-you's and you'll understand… Hm… I do remember that being on The Simpsons, actually… but it was more just my honest opinion than anything.**

**Oh, and I don't own the one line I put in of "Lose Yourself."

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**

Phil set his backpack in his room, and descended the stairs. He walked to the kitchen before he realized something.

"Pim…"

"Yeah?" Pim asked, looking up.

"Is there a reason…" he trailed off, gesturing to Candida, hoping she'd get the message.

"Jeez, Phil… you're so rude! I'm working with her…"

"Get stuck with her on a science project?" Phil asked, still unsure why Candida was in his house.

"No… we're working together… to try and get people like you out of our way."

"People like me?"

"Yes. Infidels…" Pim continued. "Anyway, you must want something from me, and I'm assuming it's that you have a problem. So what is it?"

Indeed, Phil did have a problem… though Pim wasn't quite the person he had wanted to ask for advice. "Alright… it's just… I dunno. Keely's been… it's like she's getting…"

"Bored?" Pim suggested.

"Kind of. It's like… we don't go out as much as we used to…"

"Great Romance of the twenty-first century going down the drain?" Pim asked.

"Shut up…"

"Have you even _asked_ her to do anything… out of the ordinary lately?" Candida piped up, looking up from her blueprint of the school.

Phil directed his attention solely on the shining leader to his left. "What do you mean?"

"Okay, Phil," she continued, "let me… have you taken her out anywhere… romantic… fancy… anything like that?"

"Not… _really_ extravagant, no."

"There you go. Just… ask her out somewhere lavish."

"But… what would I…"

"Okay," Candida said, exasperated. "Let's just… let's do some acting, okay? I'll be Keely, and you… you just meet her in the… wherever you hang out."

"Alright," Phil muttered, and Candida sat down, facing away from him. "Keely," he said, in his most seductive voice he could come up with.

Candida turned around, and, in a voice with an eerie Keely-like quality, said, "Phil… you look handsome today."

Phil slowly walked to Candida. "And you look… as beautiful as ever," he said. Caught in the moment, he grabbed her by the shoulders, and they locked in a passionate kiss.

_**Snap back to reality…**_

Candida and Phil pulled away from each other, spluttering and coughing,trying to clear their minds of what had just happened, as Pim screamed in horror. "Okay," Candida said, a mix between disgusted and shocked, "let's just start this over!"

Phil exited the room, and came back in, saying, "Keely," in the same seductive voice as before.

"Phil," she returned, in the same Keely-like voice. "I can't kiss you today, because… I have the flu…"

"I too, have fallen ill," Phil said. "Anyway… I was thinking that you deserve something really nice. You've been putting up with me for a while, so I was thinking maybe we could maybe go somewhere on the SkyAk and…" Phil trailed off, realizing his mistake and hoping Candida didn't hear it. Pim was looking at Phil, horrified.

But alas, Candida asked, "SkyAk? What the…?"

"Did I say SkyAk?" Phil asked. Candida nodded. "Well, I meant… I meant to say…" The phone started to ring in the other room. "Yes! The phone!" he shouted, delightedly, and ran off to answer it.

"Your brother is weird," Candida observed, turning back to her blueprints.

_Must plan this alone_, Phil noted mentally as he answered the phone. _Plan this alone…

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**Reviews will never hurt you…**


	4. What'd I Say?

**koolishcutie- Sorry… I kinda didn't respond to your review for TIP. But yes, you got it right, about Phil for that story. I'm not sure how many people realized that… I hope a lot, or I'm not as good as making inferences as I thought. Hm… **

**roxy-sweetie- Anyway, this Kookaburra business- it's just AJ's nickname for Aly. I didn't know they didn't release the CD there… I don't know…**

**Anyway, my pretties, I thank you all for the reviews, and I'm sorry it took me so long to update, but I was having issues with my computer. Also, I got an idea for another story (but I will finish this one first), and I'm kinda fine-tuning it in my spare time. Anyway, chapter four is right now! **

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Phil sighed as he sat in his American Government class. Via took a seat next to him, and noticed something was wrong with him.

"Phil," she said, "are you feeling alright?"

"Yes… no," Phil replied. No use in lying to Via, he figured. She could see right through him. And that's why he loved her. (Platonically, of course.)

She smirked, knowing that she'd be right. "Want to tell me what's bothering you?"

"No… well, yeah… but…"

"Phil, please make up your mind…"

"Well… it's just that… Keely and I haven't been spending too much time together lately… I mean, it's been about two weeks since we last had a date… she says that she's been busy, and I believe her, but… Owen said that she's trying to break up with me."

Via suppressed laughter as Phil finished.

"What?" Phil asked.

"Come on, Phil… you're really going to believe what _Owen_ said? When was the last time he had a girlfriend? Three months ago? Six? Twelve?"

Phil sighed. "But… he seemed so… _certain_ about it."

"Yeah, well," Via continued, rolling her eyes, "he was also _certain_ that he saw Bonnie starring on _Six Feet Under_…"

Phil sighed. "Yeah… I guess you're right…"

"And he was also sure he saw you on _Law and Order: Special Victims Unit_…"

"I get the point!" Phil protested.

"And I don't understand why you believed him to be right, for it's been a long time since he's dated someone."

"I don't know… I guess I was just afraid that he was right…"

"Although…" Via muttered.

"Although? Although what? What although?"

"Maybe it wouldn't hurt to take her out somewhere special… I mean…"

"See, that's what I was thinking after I kissed Candida!"

"And… wait, what?"

Again, Phil realized his mouth was running too fast for his mind to keep up with. "Nothing," he said, in a high, wary voice.

"I don't think it was 'nothing,'" Via muttered. "If I heard correctly, you kissed Candida. I'm not sure if Keely would take too kindly to that…"

"But that was only because I thought she _was _Keely."

Via was more confused now than before. "What?"

"It's a complicated story. Basically, she was pretending to be Keely, because I wasn't sure if I'd be able to ask Keely without knowing what I was going to do. Then we accidentally kissed, and I accidentally mentioned the SkyAk in fro…" Phil again trailed off, realizing he'd again made the same mistake as before.

"Phil… kissing Candida… _SkyAk_? What is going on? What is a SkyAk?"

Phil stuttered and stammered for a few seconds, then, forgivingly, the bell rang. "Oh, can't be late to English!" he shouted delightedly, and scurried out of the room and down the hall.

_There's something strange about that boy_, Via thought, as she went to meet Keely in their Italian class.

**

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**Reviewing will never hurt you…**


	5. Pensò Alle Notti Là In America

**Grazie per the reviews…**

**Emma Barrows- Hm… Via is incredibly insightful… but we'll just have to wait and see, won't we?**

**BethanyKatherine- Hey, I can say awesome: _Mitico!_ Hahah… Anyway, I kind of figured that Candida would kinda be weirded out after the _Maybe-Sitting _incident… but who knows?**

**CiTyGrL0912- Yeah… Phil has a severe case of motor mouth… :)**

**TJ- Thanks for that… interesting poem. :)**

**be234therz- Glad that both you and your mom enjoyed my references… they were strokes of brilliance, really. **

**PheelyPhan- I'm sorry your arm fell off… but uh, they can reattach it, right? Anyway… Owen is quite the fool, and I had to have Via point that out… hooray for Via!**

**Pathos- I realize now that I neglected to mention Via got up and sat next to him after the teacher said to partner up for a discussion… I'm sorry, if that confused you…**

**moofoot- Okay… don't worry, you're not making a 'gigantic insulting fool' of yourself. And… while "I Miss My Mind…" did end after amnesia and depression, remember… it had a HemoPheelyac-worthy ending. Anyway, I love that you love these chapters… and that you love Via Platonically… and, er, uh… the _Six Feet Under_ reference? AJ Michalka… she guest starred for a few episodes of that, so… and since my lovely Bonnie is based on AJ, I thought it'd be so fitting… Hey… I know some Italian… _Io voglio un burrito, latte molto caldo_. (I want a burrito, milk very hot.)**

**Okay, I think that Chapter 5, _Pensò Alle Notti Là In America _(She Thought Of The Nights In America) is going to start in 3, 2, 1...

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"_Vide le lucci in mezzo al mare,_" ("He saw the lights in the middle of the sea.") the class chirruped, as Keely and Via were talking to each other.

"I think that something's a bit… off… with Phil," Via muttered.

"What do you mean?" Keely asked.

"Well, I… he's just been acting strangely. For one, he thought that you were breaking up with him…" she added with a laugh.

"What?" Keely asked, as the rest of the class said, "_Per te sono qua_." ("I am here for you.") "Where did he get that idea?"

"I think he mentioned something about Owen… and how he said that you weren't spending much time with him, so he thought you were breaking up."

"Well that's ridiculous!" Keely said.

"That's what I said," Via agreed. "But… I don't know if he's entirely convinced… I think he means to take you out somewhere romantic..."

Keely raised her eyebrows. Well, if Phil was going to take her somewhere exceptionally romantic, maybe she should lead him to believe she was breaking up with him!

"I dunno. I guess I could be spending more time with him, but… I don't know. But I haven't forgotten about him. See, I'm writing a song for him and everything!" Keely said, opening her notebook and pointing to a page full of hastily written lyrics. "It's a work in progress, but…" she added, as Via scanned the lyrics.

"This is really good," Via said, handing it back, as the class chorused, "_Sono là_." ("I am here.")

"You think so, because--"

"What's this, Miss Teslow?" the teacher asked, as Keely shut her notebook.

"What's what? I was just asking if I was conjugating something right…" The teacher, whom most would agree bore a striking resemblance to a hawk, looked at Keely for a while longer, then turned around, and began writing on her board.

"Quick thinking," Via muttered. "I thought for sure she'd throw it away if she found it…"

"Definitely can't have that. Phil needs to be the only one to see this…"

Little did Keely know that that plan may have been harder than she thought…

Because that very afternoon, as part of a plan she'd been thinking of long before she teamed up with Candida, Pim was about to execute stage 1 of something she'd long wished for.

And, since Lloyd and Barb would be gone, it'd be the perfect weekend to execute her master plan.

It was going to be a fun weekend for Phil!

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**Yeah, this chapter's short. I'm sorry... Don't worry- you'll eventually see what Keely's song is. I'm in the process of writing it right now… Anyway, as is my tradition, I will remind you to review, only in an exciting way that I managed to tie to the story:**

**Reviewing will never hurt you…**

**Anyway, I regret to inform you that it might be a few days before I can update again… something about my computer is corrupted or something, and we need to get it fixed up. But rest assured, I don't need the computer to think up ideas, so I'll be thinking of more chapters, and I'll start releasing more as soon as I can.**


	6. Strangers Like Me

**Alrighty, official word is that my computer is going to be taken away tomorrow. Oy vey… I can't survive without a computer for a whole WEEKEND! AHH! Calm… calm… okay.**

**element90- Hey, I don't mind you reviewing every chappie. In fact, I love it! Anyway… can't drop too many hints… though you have given me an idea or two for later stories, possibly. Anyway, I guess all I'm saying now is very subtle hints. You're a genius if you understand them. Tom Rogan, acetaminophen and hydrocodone, and finally, Dr. Emmett L. Brown. That's basically all I'm willing to say now. And, uh… you wouldn't be implying anything false by saying that _some_ people can't write characters well, would you? Anyway… I just thought it was time to embrace Candida, no? Meh.**

**roxy-sweetie93- Uh… Italian. For their Italian class. Yeah… I know that computers suck. Especially translation sites. **

**PheelyPhan may be onto something…**

**Okay, I'm weird. It's official. Anyway, here's the next chapter.

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Pim smirked devilishly as she slowly approached her sleeping brother. She quickly scanned him, and ran off before he woke up. He just assumed he was dreaming when he heard somebody activating a WIZRD.

Pim retreated to the basement, and pressed another button. A replicate Phil came out. "Time to have some fun…" Pim muttered.

* * *

"Who?"

"Uh… Keely. Who else would _want _you?"

Phil rolled his eyes at Pim's choice of words and retreated to the basement. "Keely?" he called out. "Where are you?"

"Keely isn't down here," a voice said, from the darkness. A Phil replicate stepped out of the shadows.

"You! You handsome devil!" Phil cried out. "What are you doing?"

The Pimified (or evil) clone smirked. "I'm just doing what I was told to." He took out the WIZRD and began to press a few buttons.

"What are you doing?" Phil asked, walking towards him. "You--" he slammed into a particularly solid piece of air. The evil clone snickered and walked upstairs. Phil put his hands on the solid piece of air. He felt around, and discovered that he was stuck in an encasement… locked in the basement… trapped by his replacement… Hm… I need to make an erasement.

"Invisible force field," Phil muttered, realizing just what he was inside.

* * *

Phil had been shouting for about half an hour, hoping that somebody would stop by and help him. But Pim was already putting her master plan into action.

Phil had taken his whole life to get where he was. Now Pim was going to try and mix it up as best as she could until he got out of his box.

"Okay," she said to her Phil clone, "I want you to go over to Keely's house."

"Okay," the clone said, and began to walk away.

"No!" The clone stopped dead.

"But," Evil Phil protested, "you just said."

"I just want you to try and mess with Keely's mind a bit… just make her think that you broke up with her. That Phil broke up with her, that is."

"Okay…" Evil Phil replied, standing still.

"Well? Go!"

"But you told me not to!"

"No, I told you to go!"

"But then you said 'no!'"

Pim rolled her eyes, as the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," she muttered, and opened the door. Via walked in, breezing past Pim. "Come in, Via," Pim grumbled.

"Via," the Phil clone muttered, looking Via up and down.

"I have the papers you wanted Phil," she said, handing him a few packets of random papers he had requested a week before.

And the clone was still looking her up and down.

"Phil?" Via asked uncertainly.

"Well, this is beautiful, Via," the clone said, putting the papers on a table. "So very beautiful…" Overcome by longing, the clone pulled her close, and kissed her passionately.

When he pulled away, Via had a stunned expression. Walking away, she muttered, "Maybe Keely was right…"

As Via left, Pim urged the clone to do her bidding… with some difficulty…

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**Okay… so, this time for real. I probably won't have any contact with the internet for a few days, but I shall listen to music as I scribble away in my notebook, I assure you!**


	7. Freedom

**Yes! It didn't take as long to fix my compy as I thought it would, so here's a present!**

**element90- Wow. Well, in the legendary words of Meat Loaf, 'Two out of three ain't bad.' I figured that a lot of people would get the third one… I didn't think many would get the first one, and I figured maybe one or two would get the second hint… But I guess you're pretty smart… Anyway, I'm kind of glad that you were thrown off by Tom Rogan… because… I dunno. I guess then I'd probably be a little freaked out? I don't know what I'm saying. Anyway… they're related in the effect that those will be parts of the new story… though I've been hit with a burst of inspiration, and I'm working on a one-shot in addition to this one and the upcoming one…**

**Emma Barrows- Thanks for the positive response… I'll definitely put that thing in towards the end…**

**roxy-sweetie93- Let's see… _il, la, i, le, lo, gli, _and _l'_… Yep. That's seven. Wow. Hm… interesting. And one way to say "some" is _qualche biscotto… _Very odd language…

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The Phil clone approached Keely's front door, and walked right into it. Baffled, he staggered back, looked at the door, and walked into it again. Wondering how something could be so stubborn, he prepared to strike it, when it opened in front of him.

"Oh, hey, Phil," Keely said, "come on in." The clone obligingly did so.

Looking at Keely, he decided to breach protocol, and disobey the orders Pim had given him. "Keely… dinner. My house. Tonight."

"Is that a request?" Keely asked, sitting down on her bed. Evil Phil didn't respond. "Well well… the cat thinks he has the mouse trapped."

"Yes, but… sometimes, the cat likes to play with his prey…"

"Well the cat may have claws but the mouse is quick…"

"But the mouse will always fall for the cheese…"

"But the cat likes to have a little cheese himself."

"And milk. And dead birds," the clone added.

Keely looked at the clone strangely. "What were we talking about?"

"Uh… Dinner."

"Oh… I'll be there," she said, and then, in a cat-like way, licked her hand and ran it through her hair, and meowed.

"NO! _I'm_ the cat!" the clone shouted.

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"So," Tia said to Phil, who was still locked in his invisible box, "Keely called me and said I had to look for something down here… a box… could you help?"

"Uh… well," Phil muttered, looking around the room, "I don't really know what it looks like, so…"

"I don't understand why she can't come down here herself… but she said she had somebody coming over, so…"

"Tia, could you do me a favor?" Phil asked, wondering how he was going to ask this.

"Alrighty. Shoot."

"Could you… go to Keely's house , and tell Keely that I'm down here? But -and this is very important- if you see me up there… don't say anything to _me_… understand? Just take Keely to the side, and whisper in her ear that I'm down here, but make sure _I_ don't hear _you_…"

Tia looked at Phil as if he'd gone crazy. "Run that by me again?"

"Never mind," Phil muttered, resting his head against a wall of his encasement. Tia continued to look around the room.

"Well, I just can't find this thing anywhere… Hm. What's this?" she asked, picking up a small, grey box. "And why does it say that the power is on?" Tia, being her normal, adventurous self, flicked the power switch to _off._

The wall which Phil had been resting upon dissipated, and he fell to the ground. "Tia!" he shouted, realizing now, what the box she was holding was, "Thank you!" He walked over, and again shouted, "Thank you, you beautiful woman!" He pulled her towards him, and kissed her swiftly on the lips. Then he ran to the stairway, and began to take them two at a time. "Thank you!" he shouted one last time.

Tia looked perplexedly at the small box in her hands, then at the door Phil had just exited, then back to the small box in her hands.

"Okay," she muttered, and continued to look for the box.

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**Guess what tomorrow is? My birthday… so… reviews would be a nice present. The best present, actually… :)**


	8. Hello, Young Lovers

**Well, the brilliant people have found a way to get people like me to stop writing long author notes at the beginning. Authors can now reply to signed reviews, as I'm sure you're all aware. So don't be surprised when I respond to you. I take it upon myself to ensure that my reviewers know they're appreciated…**

**Anyway, thank you all for the lovely reviews… grazie… grazie…

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Phil walked up to his room, and looked out his window, and noticed something odd.

He was sitting in Keely's room, as he stood in his own.

"_Pim_…" he muttered, and ran downstairs, to Keely's house.

Phil was almost at Keely's door before he realized that he couldn't barge in when everybody there had just seen him barge in earlier. He couldn't risk this kind of security breach. No… he had to think of another way to get there. But… how?…

He walked down the walkway just as Ashley pulled up to the house.

"Hey, Phil," she said to him, and he returned the gesture as she walked into the house, and up to Keely's room. She poked her head in and said, "Listen, I got that CD you wanted, so… hey Phil."

"Thanks," Keely said, taking the CD, as Phil's clone returned the gesture.

Ashley made to shut the door, but stopped, looking at the Phil clone. "Didn't I just--"

"Huh?" the clone asked.

"Weren't you--"

"Nope."

"But I--"

"No."

"You just--"

"I'm still here, aren't I?"

Ashley didn't argue any further.

But the Phil clone knew what was going on. "Keely… on second thought, maybe we could just have dinner here?"

"Uh, sure Phil. Whatever."

* * *

Meanwhile, at his house, Phil sat on his bed, pondering how he could go about getting Keely to realize that she was with his clone. Obviously, marching into the house was out of the question.

But this left an interesting predicament…

An idea struck him, and he ran downstairs. However, in the place of the phone was a peeled banana. Phil, though, didn't notice this until after he picked it up and put it to his ear.

"Sorry, bro," Pim said. "I just want to see what happens. It's a science project."

"How about a science project that finds out how far somebody's ears can stretch before they separate the body?"

Pim looked at the manic glint in Phil's eye and retreated to her room.

_I'm from the future… I should be able to get into her house undetected…_

Deciding that was just what he needed, he gathered a few gadgets, and went to the side of her house. He applied the invisible spray, then used the personal gravitators to get onto the roof. He noticed that Ashley's window was cracked open… unfortunately, he couldn't open it further, since she was sitting in the room.

Though he had no other choice, since all the other windows were shut and locked, and he couldn't find the device that slowed the molecular activity so much that one could simply pass through an object. He was fairly sure Pim had something to do with that…

So, he shrunk himself down, and slid through the crack the window left open, and onto the sill.

He jumped down onto her bed, and climbed down onto the floor.

Finally, he made his way to the door, which was also just barely open. He got out, and turned off the shrink ray, so he was his normal height of 5'6".

Phil turned around and saw Bonnie walking down the hall. She stumbled over a bag leaning against the wall, and Phil instinctually caught her before she fell to the ground. He set her on her feet, and then a look of confusion spread across her face, and Phil realized his mistake. He almost opened his fool mouth, but caught himself before he did. Instead, he slowly backed down the stairs as Bonnie slowly walked to her room, still bewildered over what had happened.

Phil came to the foot of the stairs, and there they were, sitting at the table…

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**Review... it's the new craze...**


	9. Me, Myself, and I

**I will thank my lovely reviewers… and cut to the story.

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**

Phil took another look at his clone and Keely sitting at the table, and ran back upstairs.

_I can't do this,_ he thought. _What's the point? She's having dinner with someone else…_

(_But she thinks that he's me!_), his subconscious answered.

_It doesn't matter… it's not me… She doesn't care about me if she's having dinner with somebody else, right?_

(_But she thinks that he's me!_)

_But…_

(_She cares about me so much, that she's having dinner with another man right now._)

"She _does_ care," Phil whispered, and quickly looked around to see if anyone heard him. Apparently, nobody did…

Phil was about to make himself visible once more, when Ashley came out of her room, reminding Phil that he wouldn't be able to remove the invisibility effect, as anybody could come in and see him beside himself.

Maybe there was a subtler way…

He walked downstairs, wondering how to go about distracting Keely without drawing his evil counterpart's attention. Then it struck him.

He crept behind his clone, who was sitting across from Keely. He then looked for something…

Keely nearly dropped her glass of water when she saw a plate start hovering all by itself behind Phil.

"Keely? Are you okay?" the clone asked, as a glass started to float as well.

"Would you… excuse me for a minute?" Keely asked, getting to her feet, and Phil put down the plate and glass, and followed Keely upstairs.

She entered her room, and Phil followed her in, and then made himself visible.

"Phil?" she asked.

"Yeah… it's me," he said.

Keely paused. "How am I supposed to know it's you, and not a clone? How do I know the replicate isn't in front of me and the real Phil is sitting down there?"

"I'm Phil…"

"I'm not sure I believe you…"

"Keely… how can you not trust me? After all we've been through… When Brad broke up with you, who told you to eat and eat until the pain went away?"

"You…" Keely muttered, the hint of a smile playing on her lips.

"And when I ran over your foot with the car, who took you to the hospital- the _very next_ day?"

"You did…"

"And when you complained that you were hungry at the park that day, who stole that little girl's ice cream cone?"

"Actually, that was Owen."

"But it was _my_ idea…"

"Oh yeah…"

Phil smiled. "Look… Pim thought it'd be funny if she cloned me and let him wreak havoc for a while…"

"Well… I must say, it was interesting… though maybe a little awkward… and it definitely wasn't as exhilarating as a SkyAk ride."

"SkyAk ride… that's what I was thinking! I told Via about that…"

"You told Via about the SkyAk?"

"I mean, I almost did… Because, she said that I should take you somewhere romantic, because I thought you were breaking up with me. Then I said, 'That's what I was thinking after I kissed…'…" Phil caught himself before he said _Candida_, and finished, "you… the previous day."

"Really?" Keely asked, and Phil nodded.

"Alright… now let's go rid ourselves of that replicate, shall we?"

"We shall," Keely said, and Phil gave her the WIZRD to do so.

* * *

**Review… because:**

**Reviews are awesome. Awesome things are good. Therefore, all good things are reviews.**


	10. An Honest Mistake?

**Okay… Grazie for all those reviews, my lovelies. I definitely appreciate them.

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**

Pim frowned as Phil and Keely took off on the SkyAk. But it was alright. She still had the chance to humiliate most everybody in science class tomorrow.

And, Pim smiled as she walked into Mr. Angst's class and took a seat next to Candida. The two smiled at each other as Mr. Angst took a drink from a cup on his desk.

"Now," he said, intending to put the cup back on the desk, "who can tell me what a coumpund is called when it cannot be broken down any--" He cut himself off, looking at his hand.

The cup was still attached. He tried to let go, but it stuck to his hand, refusing to fall off.

The class found this highly amusing, and erupted into laughter.

As Mr. Angst tried to separate the cup and his hand, Pim and Candida's fellow classmate Alice tried to get up to get some water, but found she was stuck to her chair.

The laughter died down significantly after she realized she was stuck, as the others realized they too were stuck to their seats.

Pim and Candida were now cackling maniacally. Pim hit her desk and her pen rolled off of it onto the floor. She tried to get up, only to realize that she was stuck to the desk. She instantly stopped laughing.

"Candida…" she muttered. "Did you put epoxy on my chair?"

Then they both realized they had forgotten to leave two seats unglued for themselves. Whether it was intentional or accidental was unclear.

"You!" they both shouted. "You tricked me!" They stared at each other, then again, simultaneously, said, "That was weird. So was that…"

"Candida, Pim," Mr. Angst said, "Did you have anything to do with this?"

"She did it!" the two said simultaneously, pointing to each other. "Whoa, we did it again…"

"You two, detention."

They sighed, and Pim scooted away from Candida.

"Last time I trust anybody here again," they said at the same time.

* * *

**And so we enter endgame…**

**Oh, don't mind that. I was talking to myself. But, uh… review. Reviews are the water which the plant needs to grow… or something like that.**


	11. Epilogue: Part One of Five

"So… how's your weekend?" Keely asked Phil.

"Uh…" Phil muttered. He kept looking down the hall.

"Phil? Hello?" Keely waved her hand in front of his face. "Anybody in there? Are you in too deep, because I could get rope…"

"Huh?" Phil asked. "Oh… I dunno…"

"What is so…" Keely began, but soon, she just stopped completely, and stared down the hall.

Via was walking down the hall, adorned by a new, shocking accessory.

"Wow!" Phil mustered. "I… wow!"

"Phil!" Keely shouted. "Don't stare!"

"What? I can't help it!"

"Well… at least just… try and act normal."

"How could I act normal? This is far from normal!"

Soon, Via arrived at Phil's locker. "Hey, you two."

"Hey, Via," Phil said.

"So, when did it happen?" Keely blurted out.

Phil's jaw dropped. "You just told--"

"You're a guy, it's different!" Keely said, cutting him off.

"Oh," Via replied, "Just yesterday…"

"And you agreed to it?" Phil asked. "I mean… it's Owen…"

"Well… I mean… I don't know, but… he was starting to grow on me."

"I can't believe _you're _going out with _Owen_," Keely and Phil said at the same time; Keely, in a very excited tone; Phil, sounding more shocked than anything. Via just smiled mysteriously.

"Was it out of pity?" Phil asked.

"No…"

"Then what the hell?"

"Alright," Via said, "I'm going to be brutally frank."

"Oh good. I'll be genuine Phil," Phil replied. Via rolled her eyes.

"He just… he did something really nice. Let's leave it at that."

"Okay."

Via looked at Keely. "Can I have a word with Phil?" she asked. Keely nodded, and walked down the hall. "Phil… that, er… kiss? When I gave you those papers you wanted? It never happened, okay?"

"What kiss?" Phil asked, genuinely inquisitive. Via of course didn't realize it was his clone that kissed her.

"Exactly. What kiss?"

"But…"

"So we're clear then? On the… you know?"

"No."

"Good," Via said, brightly, thinking that Phil was completely understanding her. Phil just looked confused. Via smiled and walked back over to Owen, and they walked down the hall.

"What did she want to talk to you about?" Keely asked.

"I don't know."


	12. Epilogue: Part Two of Five

**Disclaimer: Yes! Hahahaha! Okay, while I don't own Phil of the Future, I _do _(yes, I do) own "Take A Spin With Me Tonight." Oh… I've waited a long time to put _that_ into a disclaimer! Anyway… I finished this chapter very unexpectedly soon, so… I decided to publish it.

* * *

**

"Phil…" Keely said, tossing the balled-up SkyAk from one hand to the other as they sat on a terrace, overlooking the Gulf of Sorrento. "Did I ever tell you that I was about to sing a song to your clone?"

"You were what?" Phil asked playfully.

"Well… I wrote a song for you… it was when I was thinking that you would have to move back eventually… and I was going to sing it to your clone after we had dinner that night… but then I saw a plate float in midair…"

Phil smiled. "Guess I came just in time, then, hmm?"

"I guess so…"

A few seconds passed until Phil added, "Would you mind singing it for me now?"

"Well… I dunno… I don't know if I remember it all…"

"Oh," Phil said, a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"It'll suck. I mean, without the music, it's terrible… But I'll try. For you," she said. He smiled, as she stood up, and took a few paces away, to calm and ready herself. She then turned around, and started her song.

"_The world spins with me as we lay under the stars  
As I find that I am lost in your gaze  
My heart longs for the nights we are together  
As my mind thinks of those undying days  
The world spins along with us as we dance now  
Ah, it feels like there's something I forgot  
If I could finally discover my heart  
I could learn if I can love you or not…_

…_My heart will spin  
My mind will spin  
Under the starlight  
I'll spin alone  
My heart will learn what is right  
We both will learn this tonight  
And I know that one day, we'll understand…_

…_I have been through many heartbreaks before you  
My soul wants to love you; my heart simply won't  
But I know that you are the enamored moon  
Some things you show, some things you don't  
Thousands of stars illuminate the night sky  
Guiding those who are lost and afraid  
My heart has been fooled and broken before this  
But it hopes the feelings I have never fade…_

…_The world will spin  
The skies will spin  
Under the moonlight  
They'll spin alone  
My heart will learn what is right  
We both will learn this tonight  
And I know that one day, we'll understand…_

…_My heart is so clouded  
Yes you are my moonlight  
If I could find it up in the sky…_

…_And you will spin  
And I will spin  
Under the heavens  
We'll spin as one  
We will learn what is right  
As we dance in the starlight  
My heart will understand, will understand  
My heart will understand, understand us…_"

Keely straightened up, and tossed a rock into the water. "That…" Phil muttered, "was… beautiful."

"Don't lie, Phil," Keely said, smirking.

"I'm not…"

"I can see right through you, Phil Diffy."

Phil's eyes widened. "You're not one of those ARM cyborgs from 2118 are you?"

"What?"

Phil breathed a sigh of relief. "Oh good…" Keely looked at Phil inquisitively, but said nothing. Phil noticed her shiver a bit, and remarked, "It's getting cold… wanna head back now?" Keely nodded, and he took his jacket off and placed it over her shoulders. She slipped her arms into it appreciatively. Seconds later, they were flying through the air, Italy far behind them.

Phil smiled as Keely tightened her grip around his waist.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed my feeble yet pathetic attempt at songwriting…Review, and be honest.**


	13. Epilogue: Part Three of Five

**Wow. So I guess the song I wrote wasn't as bad as I thought! Thanks for the comments. Much appreciated.

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**

Candida smirked as she walked up to Pim. It had been two weeks since the epoxy incident, and they were still sore about it. Their heads were still hurting from being in Mr. Angst's class until they could get unstuck, also.

"Candida," Pim said.

"Pim," Candida returned.

"What do you want?"

"I just thought I'd let you know that I've climbed up the social ladder, _yet again_."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because Kyle Krch of the 12th grade just asked me out."

"K…Kyle Krch?" Pim asked. "But he's so…"

"Hot? I know," Candida said, smirking. "Sorry to burst your bubble, Pimple, but… I'm afraid that you'll never beat me at anything."

"Really?" Pim asked.

"'Fraid not." Candida turned and began to walk away, as Pim smirked.

"Never beat you at anything, eh? We'll see about that…"

"See about what?" Candida asked, who was inexplicably suddenly standing behind her.

"Nothing…"

"You're up to something, Pimple… and I don't like it."

Pim was wrong if she thought that day couldn't get any more annoying, as Debbie Berwick began to prance up to her. "Hiya, Pimsy," she said, delightedly.

"Berwick…" Pim muttered. Candida snapped her head to look at Debbie.

"Debbie Berwick," Candida muttered, smirking evilly.

"Yep," Debbie chirruped delightedly, clearly not fazed by Candida.

"Uh, Debbie," Pim started, but Candida continued.

"I didn't know that you were friends with Pim…"

"We're not--" Pim started.

Debbie cut her off. "Yep. Since the seventh grade."

Candida laughed. "You just made the List."

"List? Like a party list? Am I invited?"

"Uh… sure… a _party_ list."

"It's not a party list," Pim whispered to Debbie. "She's going to _get_ you."

" 'Get' me?" Debbie asked. "Like a present?"

Candida was getting rather annoyed at this point. "Zip it, Berwick. My girls and I have more power than you could ever imagine. Don't make us use it on you."

"Are they powers to make the world a better place?"

Candida sighed. "NO!"

Pim raised her eyebrows. She'd never seen Candida get this mad…

Actually she had once. Candida had vowed that she'd get Pim one day, so Pim attached a sign to her back that read _Somebody run this girl over with a truck_. Her theory was, if she was going to get beaten up, she'd like to earn it.

But she'd never seen Candida get this frustrated at somebody other than herself. "Go on, Debbie," Pim urged, and Debbie did.

Candida got more and more annoyed until she just started backing out of the room, afraid of the impossibly inherently good girl.

Perhaps having Debbie around wasn't such a terrible idea after all… If she could keep _Candida_ away, then... she was one step ahead of Pim.


	14. Epilogue: Part Four of Five

Ashley and Bonnie were talking to each other as they sat on the couch. "But what's up with Phil?" Ashley was saying. "I mean, one day, I saw him walking away from our house, and I said hey, and then five seconds later, he was sitting in Keely's room. There's no way he could've gotten in there that quick unless there were two of him…"

"Come to think of it… whenever I ask him about his past, he just avoids the topic," Bonnie added. "And… he and Keely always seem to be trying to cover stuff up or something… remember when Keely got put in AP math? There's no way she's that smart…"

"You're right… He's always… acting strangely…"

"And about a week ago… Keely was hiding something behind her back… she wouldn't show me what it was…"

Keely entered the room as they were talking. "Whatcha talking about?" she asked.

"Phil… we think there's something strange going on with him…" Ashley responded.

"What do you mean?" Keely asked nervously. Bonnie looked at her suspiciously.

"You're nervous. Why?"

"Okay… we're at a point in our friendship where we can tell each other secrets, right?" Keely asked, taking a step back.

"You've been keeping secrets from us?"

"No, this isn't just any secret, this is a _big_ secret…"

"You've been keeping _big_ secrets from us?" Ashley asked, advancing a step.

Keely swallowed as Bonnie got up from the couch and looked her in the eye. "This isn't just a big secret, it's a really… really… _secret_ secret. It's dangerous…"

"Oh, I see. You don't trust us with your secret. Fine. Be that way."

"No, that's not it all, it's just-- Fine… I'll tell." Ashley and Bonnie turned around, an eyebrow raised.

Then, at that moment, Phil stepped in. Pim had played a prank on him, however.

She had succeeded in using the future technology in getting Phil into a long, red wig, earrings, a black shirt and matching skirt.

"Well this is just great!" he shouted, walking in. "Pim tricked me!"

The three sisters watched Phil rush upstairs, and Keely began to speak again. "Listen, about Phil, it's--"

"Don't speak, Keely," Bonnie said in a soothing voice. "Don't speak." She and Ashley hugged Keely, as Keely breathed a sigh of relief.

* * *

**Sorry about any mental images you got from that chapter, but… I thought it was pretty funny when I was writing it.**

**Review… review… I need motivation to write this final fifth of the epilogue...**


	15. Epilogue: Part Five of Five

"Phil," Tia said, walking up to him, "I have to thank you for…" Tia trailed off, as Keely was looking at her suspiciously. "For what you gave me over the weekend."

Phil raised his eyebrow, but then realized what she was talking about. "Oh, why?"

Tia wasn't about to answer, but then Via came up to Keely and distracted her. "Because I told Garrett that you kissed me, and he got all flustered, and asked me out!"

"Really?" Phil asked, an eyebrow raised. Tia nodded eagerly.

"I just told him, and I guess that he thought you were making a move on me. He obviously didn't know that you were going out with Keely… good thing, too…"

Tia thanked him once more, and walked down the hall. Phil was wondering why she never asked what the kiss was all about.

Perhaps she was too caught up with getting a boyfriend to notice.

As for Via's behavior the previous day, he had no explanation for that. Why had she told him about something that he hadn't…

Oh… that would explain it.

Pim.

And that ridiculous clone.

Oh well. After all, Via said it had never happened. Unfortunately, Phil knew exactly what hadn't happened, now. But that was alright, he supposed. He would forget about it eventually.

"Phil," Via said, snapping her fingers, along with him back to reality. "If you see Owen, tell him that I'll wait for him outside the school after final hour, okay?"

"Oh, sure…" Phil muttered.

"Jeez, Phil," Keely said playfully, walking up to him. "You were just spacing out on her… If I didn't know any better, I might have started to get jealous…"

"No need for jealousy," Phil laughed nervously. "No need for that at all."

"Phil? Is something wrong?"

"No!" Phil said, a little too excitedly. "No," he repeated, in a much calmer demeanor.

"If you say so…" she muttered, eyeing him.

"Don't worry, Keely… there's nothing you have to worry about."

"Well, I guess that's a good thing…"

"Yes. You're the only place for me…"

Keely smiled. "And you're my little Mr. Fuzzy Bear."

"I wish you wouldn't call me Mr. Fuzzy Bear…"

"Okay, Philly-Willy."

"I wish you'd call me Mr. Fuzzy Bear…"

Keely smiled. "See? You're my Mr. Fuzzy Bear… I always used to cuddle with my little fuzzy bear when I was little."

Now Phil smiled. "I like the way this is going…"

"You make it impossible not to love you, Phil," Keely said.

Phil replied, "That's just part of my irresistible charm."

The two walked down the hall in silence for a little while, until Keely interrupted it.

"Oh, and Ashley and Bonnie think you're a cross-dresser, now."

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**(Nostalgic sigh) Well… I guess I kinda liked this story. I wasn't crazy about it, but I think I did it some justice. Now all I have to do is start my next story!**


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